It has been more than a month since my last post. I've thought often about what I was going to write, but when I got home and in front of the computer, was always distracted by doing something else. I would like to get back to writing a little each day. The content doesn't have to be significant, it should just be something. My brother commented one time that he said all bloggers were selfserving. That may be true for some, but not all. It is important to journal things and get them outside of your head... I need to get back to doing more of that.

Let me start with something on the lighter side. My friend Jonas wrote in his blog about The Physics of Peeing. Check it out at JonasApproved.

It was a slow day at work on June 24 and I wrote in the little black book I carry in my man bag. These are the thoughts I wrote in that entry.

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June 24: I am in control of my own destiny. I need to see and hear the messages about what I should be doing with my life instead of just coasting along. I keep getting signals that I need to move on and leave the area. I keep hearing that I should be writing. This came to me again in a conversation this past weekend with GA. I need to followup with Lavender Magazine. I need to be more proactive regarding the job search. If I spent as much time on the job search as I did looking for a boyfriend, I would have a great job.

My goal is to spend three hours a day on job search; three hours a day with tracking of every application.

I will also respond to all email messages within 72 hours.

I need to let go of the past. Former glories and triumphs cannot be more than distant memories. None of these times of happiness can be restored or recreated. I will never have those days again. Now is the time to let go of the past and move forward in to the future. Now is the time to continue new growth. Now is the time to move out of the shadows of the past and into the light and sunshine of that new growth. Dwelling on the past is deadly; learning from the past is enrichment, education, and progress.

A couple of weeks ago one of my life coaches told me he thought I had lost my focus. I know he was right, but didn't want to admit it. Being more open to messages, and signs showing me it is time to move on. Moving on does not necessarily mean moving away, but that is an option. Moving on mentally is the most important thing to do.

Writing also helps me clarify and clear my head. Writing is a way of emptying the mental trash which creates confusion, malaise, depression and brings the mental body to a grinding halt. The mental trash creates other health problems, i.e. drinking, lack of exercise, increased weight, inability to concentrate and focus on a single task, and the inability to motivate myself.

I have to remember too that this telemarketing job is only temporary and a stepping stone to bigger and better things. This is only the stop on the bus or train ride of life. Sometimes the stops are short, sometimes long.

One issue I continue to struggle with, but am getting better at accepting, is people's memories of me. This is especially if I have hurt them in the past. It is not always possible to build new and rebuild old bridges after having so successfully destroyed them. I can build new relationships, I can rebuild some old relationships, I cannot rebuild all former relationships. Some of the previous relationships were not healthy anyway and should not be rebuilt or recreated. Relationship building is a two-party process. This is true whether or not the relationship is new or old. I am responsible only for my part. I have no control over the other party in the relationship. I need to accept that and move on.

I realized at lunch today (written June 24) that I only need to do as much as is necessary to keep others satisfied, but not to the point of trying to outdo others. The frustration and trouble will come in the inability to compete with others who are better at their craft. I only need to do what is necessary to do my best at; excel in my own talent and not try to outdo others.

This is the same lesson I learned from the marathon; why I have I forgotten that lesson? I am not competing against anyone else; I am competing only against myself in many areas. No one else cares about many things where I am involvd; I need only be concerned with setting my own goals, working toward those goals, and exceeding them.

I need to learn to trim the fat and handle issues more quickly and effectively. I should handle email only once. I should handle it right away. If it isn't important enough to handled right away, then it should be handled within 72 hours. A courtesy response should be sent at right away if I'm not able to answer it more quickly.

June 25: I am blown away by a phone message received from HH of Ottawa. It touched me very deeply to believe that someone would leave such a nice and caring message.

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That is the content of what I wrote. Even now as I look at it again, I'm wondering where I went wrong in the last few weeks. It's time again to get this train moving in the right direction!

US President Barack Obama issued the following proclamation on June 1, 2009. This month marks the 40th anniversary of the Stonewall riots (in New York City) and is widely considered to be the start of the gay rights movement in the United States and around the world.

Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Pride Month, 2009
By the President of the United States of America

A Proclamation

I have so much music in my iPod that never gets heard. I decided that I needed to do something to make sure I have listened to all of the music there at least once. I'm listening to all of albums on the iPod in alphabetical order. I'm in the letter C now and about to hit Christmas. It should be fun hearing Christmas in June. When I post I'll try to include the album I'm listening to.

I started working in telemarketing a couple of weeks ago. I work for a company that sells digital TV/Internet/Phone in various markets around the country. You don't have to worry about hearing from me if you are in Minnesota, but watch out in other parts of the country. The pay is alright and I'm starting to earn commission on the products I'm selling. I don't mind the hang-ups, most people listen and then politely decline. What I mind is the people who start shouting or yelling at you right away or the woman who hung up on a long-distance call with her sister to take my call and then blames me for her choice. I wish I had said then... well Ma'am, if you had our digital telephone service with Call Waiting with Caller ID or Anonymous Call Rejection you would have known not to hang up on your sister. :D

Lots of other things going on, but that's all for now. More later.